


Regrets and Lies

by Melime



Category: Secrets and Lies (US TV)
Genre: Character Study, Gen, Post-Canon, Season/Series 02
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-13
Updated: 2017-09-13
Packaged: 2018-12-27 14:30:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 515
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12083013
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Melime/pseuds/Melime
Summary: The first time Amanda felt her baby kick was from inside a jail cell.





	Regrets and Lies

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into Português brasileiro available: [Arrependimentos e Mentiras](https://archiveofourown.org/works/12083019) by [Melime GreenLeaf (Melime)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Melime/pseuds/Melime%20GreenLeaf)



The first time Amanda felt her baby kick was from inside a jail cell.

It was wrong, it was all wrong, and if Greg had given her the one last chance she begged for, then none of this would have happened.

She dreamt of having this baby since before she could remember, to a pathological degree. Perhaps one day she would be able to analyse what lead her to it, but for now, all she could think about was that she finally had what she wanted, and that she wouldn’t become her mother.

She took a plea, not because she was afraid of a long trial, but because it was her only hope of convincing her brother to help her, even if he still hadn’t given her an answer on that. She could have fought for what was best for her, but only by risking her child’s fate, and that was something she wasn’t willing to do.

No, a plea deal was the best option. She could still see her child grow, or at least catch much of their childhood, if only Eric could forgive her. Amanda knew her brother well enough to know he wouldn’t abandon his own family, at least not without cause, and her crime wasn’t her baby’s.

She didn’t expect him to visit, not at first, but she knew he would raise her child well, and she hoped that, in doing so, he would find in his heart a way of forgiving her. Maybe in time he would realize what she herself had trouble understanding, that what lead her to push Kate off the balcony had nothing to do with intent.

Despite all of Amanda’s lies, one thing was true, she loved Kate. Kate was her friend before being her sister-in-law, and they never forgot that. Kate was the only child of a dysfunctional home and Amanda was the only girl in a house full of boys trying to deal with their own trauma, they were both the sister the other wanted and needed.

And then it was like that sister turned on her, betrayed her in the worst possible way, not only by doing what she couldn’t so easily, but by saying something was wrong with her, as if Amanda didn’t think that of herself already, as her husband hadn’t left her because of this, as if it wasn’t a not so distant echo of everything her mother used to throw at her.

But now it was too late to know she was reacting to Kate’s words and the weight they carried over her more than anything else. The time to stop and think had long since passed, and she wasn’t even able to cover up her crime.

She regretted it the moment it happened, but she couldn’t undo her own actions, nor could she prevent them from tearing her family apart.

Amanda cried whenever she felt her baby moving, knowing that soon that child would be out of her reach, and that no matter how much she would cherish every moment, it wasn’t enough, it would never be enough.


End file.
